Clotheless
by Sesshyro
Summary: Ichigo's clothes has been stolen! Nanao's PMSing! Alright I can't summarize for my life[contains crude humor]


I don't own bleach---only my lame sense of humor

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Kurosaki Ichigo isn't the type of polite gentleman that never swears but right now, he was swearing in a way that would make any sailor proud.

He had decided to take a shower after practicing in Seireitei's dojo only to find his clothes M.I.A. and not a living soul in the boys' changing room when he came out of the steaming shower and it was broad daylight out there. Luckily, his zanpakuto was still there, on the wooden box that was used as a bench.

"Dammit!" he snarled. "This is so embarrassing but I'll have to go fetch some, naked…"

"_You know…I can always give you a hand for that, King," _a high-pitched voice came from the deepest abyss of his mind

"_So you can kill everyone while you're at it? No thanks now get lost,"_ he growled.

The white version of himself gave a mocking laughter before disappearing. Sighing in annoyance, he dashed outside trying his best to go unnoticed but apparently Lady Luck wasn't with him that day.

"Oh shit…"was the only thing he could say as he felt a familiar reiatsu followed by 3 more coming from behind him. It wouldn't be the first time that his lack of reiatsu sensing skills got him in troublesome situations.

Behind him stood an expressionless Kurotsuchi Nemu, a confused Kusajichi Yachiru, a traumatized Hinamori Momo and a deadly calm Ise Nanao.

"(Censored to protect readers' innocence)", Nemu said in greeting while staring at him.

"Ohh! What's that, Strawberry-head-chan?" Yachiru asked, pointing at his (censored)

"Ku…Kurosaki-san?" Hinamori stammered, blushing madly before fainting.

"…" Nanao pushed up his glasses emitting a murderous aura and mumbling something about "Public exposure…"

"_What's wrong, King?" _his inner Hollow cackled, popping out of nowhere._ "Now you've really gotten yourself in an embarrassing situation."_

"_Shut up," _he mentally snapped back before running for dear life as Nanao was about to release her zanpakuto and give chase.

"-sigh- Is it that time already?" Yachiru asked.

"If you meant PMS, then you're right," Kyouraku Shunsui whispered from behind the building where he was drinking sake. "Poor Kurosaki-kun…"

-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-

Leaning against the wall of a small abandoned house, a panting Ichigo was trying to catch his breath. God knew how that devilish woman managed to obtain so much stamina. She had chased him all the way to Rukongai while throwing Kidou spells like there was no tomorrow and he had to try to hide while escaping.

Suddenly the house he was leaning on exploded. Through the dust and smoke he saw the figure of said Devil dash towards him. Steel met steel in a loud crash before Ichigo pushed her away.

"Hadou no.31: Shakkahou," she shouted.

"What the (censored)??" Ichigo growled as he dodged the red blast that was aimed at him. "What do you have against me???"

He suddenly froze as he felt a very familiar reiatsu.

"Yo Ichigo! I came looking for you and here I find you stalk naked," Zaraki Kenpachi greeted as he appeared on the debris of the fallen house.

"Zaraki-taichou," the uptight vice-captain greeted.

"Oh it's you, Nanao fuku-taichou," he acknowledged back before turning back to the substitute Shinigami. "Naked or not, as long as you have your weapon you can put up a good fight."

He immediately charged towards Ichigo, grinning a madman (oh wait…he is) as the said Shinigami let out a bundle of **words** not meant for children before shunpo-ing away. Meanwhile, Nanao walked away whistling maniacally with a satisfied smirked plastered on her face.

-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-

Of course, all this ruckus didn't go unnoticed. Sitting nearby, Matsumoto Rangiku was giggling happily as she watched the show while his chibi captain was more like staring in annoyance.

"Let's go stop them," he sighed. "If this continues, they'll wreck the whole area."

"Awww give them another minute," his vice-captain pleaded. "They seem to be having so much fun."

"Well you and Zaraki sure do but I don't think he is."

Matsumoto pouted before an idea stuck her.

"By the way, taichou I heard that Hinamori-chan fainted after seeing Ichigo naked…"

"He did what?" the white hair prodigy snarled as his reiatsu climbed to a dangerous level.

-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-

The sudden blast of reiatsu reached the two fighters (well Ichigo was more of a nudist).

"Oho…it seems like the Chibi wants to join the fight," Zaraki smirked happily.

"Wait, Chibi? You mean Toushirou?"

"It's Hitsugaya-taichou for you, Kurosaki," came the reply. "Souten ni Zase, Hyourinmaru!"

A huge water and ice dragon came crashing at them and he had to shunpo out of the way to avoid becoming a strawberry popsicle. Zaraki was a bit too slow and he was now half frozen with icicles coming out of his head. (Jingle bell Jingle bell Jingle all the way…all right I'll just shut up)

"What the hell did I do to you people????"

"And what the hell is going on here?" another voice cut in.

Shihouin Yoruichi suddenly appeared in the middle of the icy wasteland and turned to Ichigo.

"Oh my, it seems like you've finally grown into a big boy, Ichigo," she smirked.

The strawberry head flushed before protesting loudly.

"It wasn't my fault! Someone took my cloth in the dojo's changing room and that damn mad woman of 8th squad chased me out here then Zaraki appeared followed by Toushirou," he yelled, ignoring the "It's Hitsugaya-taichou for you!" coming from the icy captain.

"Huh?" Yoruichi just stared at him in half confusion and half amusement. "You know…there're always spare clothes in the wooden box in the changing room…"

"…!" was all what Ichigo could say before his mind finally registered the meaning of her words. "(----------------------------censored---------------------------)!!?!!"

"_Well, if anyone needed a proof that you're a complete idiot, this is the perfect one," _his Inner Hollow laughed hysterically. "_And you know…you could just have gone into Bankai…"_

"_Wha?"_

"_Didn't you notice? You change cloth when you're in bankai. Don't you know how much old man Zangetsu spends every month to buy new cloth after you ruin them?"_

"_No kidding…"_

Meanwhile, Zaraki and Toushirou were speechless.

"So…how do you think she knows about the spare cloths?"

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Zeh End!!! I know it was crud humor but I'm tired right now and I didn't feel like going through it again to correct the mistakes so feel free to correct me oh and REVIEW FOR GAWD SAKE PLZ? KTHNX(-sigh- I'v ealways wanted to type the last 2 words XD) 


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